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• The subtitle of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is 'Dead Men Tell No Tales.' The moral of the movie, alas, is that the same cannot be said of dead franchises.
• If being dull, gruesome and obnoxiously loud weren't enough, Dead Men Tell No Tales makes sure to get in a blast of sexism, too.
• The bounty of bawdy bits feel borrowed from Benny Hill ('No woman's ever handled my Herschel before!' says a stunned telescope operator), while the slapstick violence skews toward the Three Stooges.
• Is this really only the fifth entry in the Pirates film franchise? It feels like the 50th. Except for Javier Bardem, who brings a dollop of fresh mischief to this paycheck party, Dead Men has all the flavor of rotting leftovers.

• Christian Science Monitor

  5/26/2017 by Peter Rainer

  Directors Joachim Rnning and Espen Sandberg work up a stormy sea-parting finale that is better than anything in The Ten Commandments. Again, the trick to enjoying this film is to expect nothing.
• I daresay it is the very best fourth sequel ever made to a movie based on a 50-year-old theme park ride.
• There are no new treasures to be found in this installment, which is dragged down by the anchor of a prescribed franchise blueprint.
• Now in its fifth outing and trying to press reset after an unnecessary fourth movie, Depp's campy performance in that role is losing crucial energy and humour.
• It's fast paced but goes nowhere new and the film's 'bigness' makes it hard to remember what an amazingly unexpected treasure The Curse of the Black Pearl was.
• We had zero hope for the fifth chapter in the waterlogged Pirates of The Caribbean franchise. And we were wrong. This thing is terrific.
• Productions like this come and go, crumbling tentpoles to be replaced by new timber, but they are self-fulfilling prophecies, and dire ones, about the future of the theatrical movie business. They're accomplices in a soul heist.
• Popcorn munchers and franchise fans will find plenty to like.
• Its pleasures are so meager, its delight in its own inventions so forced and false, that it becomes almost the perfect opposite of entertainment.
• [It] tries to turn back time, seeking to replicate the first 2003 film's chemistry. That attempt to swim against the tide doesn't entirely work, but at least delivers moments that fleetingly jolt this... fifth installment to sporadic life.
• I found Dead Men Tell No Tales to be passably fun and certainly no harder to watch than any of the better-pedigreed blockbusters this year.
• 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales' remains true to its Disney theme park roots. Loud, overstimulating and hard to take in all in one sitting, it feels like the vacation that you'll need a vacation from.

• Minneapolis Star Tribune

  5/25/2017 by Colin Covert

  Padding out its muddled 129 minutes with the sluggish pace of a funeral barge, it marks the ignominious low of a once great series. It lacks yo-ho-ho.

• St. Louis Post-Dispatch

  5/25/2017 by Calvin Wilson

  Depp, who once was among the most risk-taking actors in film, seems to be merely going through the motions.

• New York Magazine/Vulture

  5/25/2017 by David Edelstein

  It's stuffed to the gills with effects executed by the highest-paid artists and technicians in the business. But it's still a sorry spectacle.
• Been there, plundered that.